maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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