apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
