I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
