dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
