Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
