i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
