Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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