oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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