Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
