Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize