o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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