I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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