just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
