She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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