youre lurking in front of me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
