I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
