Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Someone signed my nipple.
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