If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
