I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
