NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
