And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
