I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
