I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
