She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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