dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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