And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
