I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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