alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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