I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
