What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
