my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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