To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
