I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
