I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
