Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm getting married
To pizza
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
