ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
