Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
