he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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