I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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