hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
