So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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