Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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