The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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