The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
