Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
