We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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