pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
