I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So apparently I’m into choking now
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
