My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
