also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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