I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
