how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
