I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
