Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
