some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
