can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
