i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize