omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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