I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
