Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
