i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
