Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
