You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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