Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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