Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
