suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
