i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
